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Jimmy
The Roman
The
WWF's XFL...just another storyline
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OK,
sports fans, if you're a football enthusiast like me, you probably
already know about this new football league called the XFL, run
exclusively by the World Wrestling Federation (WWF). Eight inaugural
teams have been announced, and even a |
few
coaches have been hired (Dick Butkus in Chicago, Galen Hall in
Orlando and a few other obscure names coaching flashy teams in LA and
Las Vegas).
My
question is, what is the big deal? On one very basic level, this
seems like just another football league trying to cut into the huge
marketing pie created by America's "favorite" sports
organization, the National Football League (NFL). On the other hand,
the people at the WWF are marketing geniuses in their own right,
turning what is essentially nothing more than a soap opera into a
testosterone party erupting weekly at venues all over the country
(and on national television--not to mention the popular pay-per-view events).
I'll
admit to having casually watched a few episodes of WWF television
over the years. It's hard to escape when you live with a roommate who
eats, sleeps and drinks professional wrestling (he even had his own
RPG federation, at one point). At times, it's an entertaining bit of
drama, but most of the entertainment is derived from laughter, not
interest or awe at the athleticism of the "sport."
Professional
wrestling, at least what the WWF presents, cannot be considered a
true sport. Wait a minute, you say, they look like athletes
to me! Well sure, that's the illusion. The reality is that these
guys are acting (and badly, in most cases, I might add). They play
out a script with a predetermined outcome and winner. Like a soap
opera, there is a writer backstage toiling over a computer to decide
who will be the next WWF Champion--you know, the guy who wears the
gaudy gold belt that is only marginally less tacky than the one my
own father wears.
And
while it is true that most NFL head coaches go into weekly games
with a "game plan" and a set of the first 20 or so plays
already scripted, it is also true that no head coach is ever certain
whether his team will walk off the gridiron victorious or not. Nor is
there a referee or umpire on the field charged with determining the victor. |
(l
to r) XFL Chicago franchise head coach Dick Butkus and WWF President
Vince McMahon present the XFL ball at a press conference |
Even
the franchise owners have nothing to do with victory on the football
field (short of the fat wallets they deplete to hire "good"
players). The fact is, football is played, not performed. The players
actually play to win. They play without knowing what their fate will
be: whether they will win, suffer career ending injuries or, in some
rare instances (as has happened in the NFL a handful of times in its
existence), die on the field.
WWF
performers, on the other hand, play to the script. Every wince of
pain, every move they execute in the ring--every alliance and
rivalry--is all scripted. The WWF performer is, essentially, a means
to an end. It is inherently unreal in terms of sports quality. Nobody
really gets hurt (unless they stray from their choreographed moves),
nobody really wins the event--truthfully, the matches are played to
drive the story and win television ratings (which translate into big
advertising dollars). It's not the athleticism that drives WWF's popularity--it's
the stories. And while the same may be somewhat true for the NFL,
most fans watch football with anticipation to see how the victor will
win (and most will play the inevitable role of armchair quarterback,
second-guessing their favorite team for the entire 60 minutes of
play). The anticipation I feel when I watch WWF is of how truly awful
the commentary will be, or how embarrassingly bad the
"athletes" will perform between matches in front of the
camera (where the real action happens).
So
what does this have to do with the XFL? Simply put, a merging of
professional wrestling into professional football is about as
plausible as merging ballet with Italian opera. Nobody wants to see
the fat lady in horns wearing a tutu. And nobody wants to see a
football player goading his opponents in between plays or games with
over-the-top flexing of muscles, unnecessarily gratuitous yelling and
screaming, and false threats. Football players goad their opponents
on the field with real grit, real muscle, real contact. Football is a
game of strategy and execution--it cannot be a predetermined sport
where the winner is already scripted in advance. That completely
ruins the whole pleasure of watching football, and totally takes the
sport out of the game. A scripted victor is no winner--he becomes the
leading player in the drama. Real football is not like that.
Consider
how silly the whole concept of the XFL really is. Just what does the
"X" stand for? Knowing the WWF, it's probably some
ubiquitous representation of "extreme" or
"excess." Actually, neither is the case. On the official
XFL website, the 'X' is explained quite clearly: "many people
assume that it stands for 'extreme,' but that's not the case. 'X' is
just a cool letter that has come to identify a demographic and an
aggressive lifestyle. Plus, there are a lot of great words with the
letter 'X' that we can use to describe the XFL--eXciting,
eXhilarating, eXplosive, eXplicit, etc. And XFL sounds a lot more
entertaining than EFL."
And
there you have it. America's favorite sport--denigrated to the
lowest common denominator: entertainment. Sure, I'm entertained by an
NFL game. There's no denying it. But not because I'm enjoying the
storyline. Rather, I'm usually just enjoying the game. The WWF would
be wise to understand that before promoting themselves as
"exciting" or "exhilarating." At the very least,
they may want to consider how hard it will be to pass block with
those big belts on, and I shudder to think what their version of the
Lombardi Trophy will look like. Come to think of it, how are they
going to wear all those football pads underneath their wrestler briefs?
I'm
not even going to go there.
Jimmy
The Roman, a
salute to the deceased sports journalist "Jimmy the Greek",
is a periodic columnist at YourMVP.net
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